It has come to my naive attention that alot of the mundane individuals leaking into my life are nothing more then failures. I have always been fearful of the leaks that trickled misery into my life. I did everything I could fathom to put a hault on all of the broken pipes I came in contact with in everyday life. To my knowledge I was fixing the vexations of failing surroundings, but I was sadly mistaken.
I have come to realize that these troubling leaks are nothing more than mere hiccups in my life. I have been toiling over them day and night and now I know that they are nothing to ponder upon. I need to look past my own life crazing to the people around me. I've been overwhelmed with running fictional scenarios in my head and need to stop and think about my friends and family; Instead of abusing myself and those closet to me with fabrications of my relentless imagination.
I have been feeling like I should give up on trying so hard at everything. Whats really the point? I get very little appreciation for half of the shit I go through to make people happy. I enjoy getting acknowledgment of my friends but I rarely get past being Ben the "artsy guy whos funny at random moments." I'm just exhausted with trying to be good at what I do, but I know I won't ever be able to let myself fall into the drunken, drug infested, miserable lifestyle of those around me even if I tried.
The reason I write all this is because I need recognition, appreciation, and most of all respect from the people around me. Its what keeps me doing what i'm doing. As long as i'm good and someone keeps whispering it in my ear i'll keep on truckin'.
Done. Going to fight in the crusades of dreams.